Dating After the Narcissist Part 1

Oh boy… Everyday things are becoming ever so much clearer and in the mist of all the lessons that came (and are still coming) after being ‘in love’ with a narcissist then being devalued, abused in every sense of the word and discarded by the narc, the toughest lesson was not what I thought, which was the letting go of the illusion of his love, but the hardest is letting someone close enough to hurt me again by allowing someone into the center of my life and heart or worse yet, hurting them because my walls are so high. Let me just tell you I don’t need a man in my life to complete me, I want and desire a special someone to share life with. But maybe I’m still not ready?? But then again maybe I am??

I’ve been on the dating sites for 10 months now, not to find the love I lost but to find the me I lost. Plus, I moved 1300 miles and how else am I supposed to meet new people and make new friends? The bars? No! I guess I could do it the old fashioned way, just bump my cart into some tall, dark handsome stranger at the grocery store, but again that’s a bit scary to me too. I’ve used the dating sites as a means to comfort my pain, to help me to forget him and the darkness I emerged from battered and bruised. I like that I get to pick and choose who I crack the door open to before I slam it shut again. And now I’ve bruised a few hearts in the process too.

In the mist of my serial dating I have had a ton of fun and meet some ‘real winners’ and a few amazing guys, 3 of them,  who I now consider to be best friends of mine. I’ve let them into in my inner circle but keep them arms lengths to my heart. I look for signs and red flags and I TRUST no one!

The reason this is all coming up is because I have met a wonderful man with a kind heart, he’s loving, attentive, has the patience of a saint, a job, a home of his own and he is ooooo so handsome!!  I did everything to keep him away, you know arms length, from my protected, guarded heart. He understands where I came from, he too had a disastrous relationship with a narcissist, so he gets it and he gets me.

I’ve known him since September 2016 and we have had a blast exploring new horizons, places, beaches, concerts, Patriot football games, hockey games, festivals and so much more. I’m new to Florida and he’s fairly new here too, leave it to me to find a New England  guy here in paradise lol!  We share many of the same interests, genuinely, no mirroring, no love bombing, no games, and no lies. I love going to new places, so doesn’t he and I’m trying to get back to just plain enjoying life again.

He’s been patient and understanding, has not pressured me at all, lets me take all the time I need to heal. He knows I’m still dating but he does hope he’s the ONE standing after all is said and done. He mentioned over dinner last night that he wanted me to listen to Keith Urban and Carrie Underwood’s new song called ‘The Fighter’ and expressed that this was about us and said those 3 big words “I love you” as he closed the door… I listened to it 5 times after he left, I cried myself to sleep…

Why can’t I let him in??? If I can survive the worst heartache of my life, then if there is a next heartache, it would be a walk in the park…. Today I take a stand that my past will not define my future!

If-you-cant-fly-then-run-If-you-cant-run-then-walk-if-you-cant-walk-then-crawl-but-whatever-you-do-you-have-to-keep-moving-forward

THE FIGHTER LYRICS 

I know he hurt you
Made you scared of love, too scared to love
He didn’t deserve you
‘Cause you’re precious heart is a precious heart
He didn’t know what he had and I thank God, oh, oh, oh
And it’s gonna take just a little time
But you’re gonna see that I was born to love you

What if I fall (I won’t let you fall)
What if I cry (I’ll never make you cry)
And if I get scared (I’ll hold you tighter)
When they’re tryna get to you baby I’ll be the fighter
What if I fall (I won’t let you fall)
What if I cry I promise I’ll never make you cry
And if I get scared (I’ll hold you tighter)
When they’re tryna get to you baby I’ll be the fighter

Look in the mirror
You’re beautiful, so beautiful
I’m here to remind you
You’re my only one, let me be the one
To heal all the pain that he put you through
It’s a love like you never knew
Just let me show you

What if I fall (I won’t let you fall)
What if I cry (I’ll never make you cry)
And if I get scared (I’ll hold you tighter)
When they’re tryna get to you baby I’ll be the fighter
What if I fall (I won’t let you fall)
What if I cry I promise I’ll never make you cry
And if I get scared (I’ll hold you tighter)
When they’re tryna get to you baby I’ll be the fighter

I wanna believe that you got me baby
I swear I do from now until the next life
I wanna love, wanna give you all my heart

What if I fall (I won’t let you fall)
What if I cry (I’ll never make you cry)
And if I get scared (I’ll hold you tighter)
When they’re tryna get to you baby I’ll be the fighter
What if I fall (I won’t let you fall)
What if I cry I promise I’ll never make you cry
And if I get scared (I’ll hold you tighter)
When they’re tryna get to you baby I’ll be the fighter

What if I fall
What if I cry
And if I get scared (I’ll hold you tighter)
When they’re tryna get to you baby I’ll be the fighter

“The Fighter: via Youtube

Written by Keith Urban, Ryan Busbee, Michael James • Copyright © Universal Music Publishing Group, BMG Rights Management US, LLC

 

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Author: lovesillusionblog

I'm just a girl, a lover, a fighter and a survivor....

7 thoughts on “Dating After the Narcissist Part 1”

  1. I hope you find the strength to let your defences down<3. I did the same as you after the narc discarded me. I did meet a lot of lovely guys but in the end I just wasn't ready to move forward. That would be my only advice (not that it is ever up to us to advise anyone) take the time you need but don't let fear hold you back from something good. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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