My grandfather, James J Laraia, my first idol, my first love, left me with his most favorite quote he said “love one, love many, but love yourself best of any”.
This quote was my family’s motto. I saw it handwritten and taped, as a “little girl”, to every refrigerator our small, but beautiful family had. I didn’t understand it, to that “little girl” it sounded selfish.
My family would say their own interpretation of what it meant to them but When I was that” little girl” I remember my Grandpa L saying “you can’t fully love someone else, until you can fully love yourself.
My grandfather was larger than life to me… his words that he left that “little girl” with was a journey of understanding what they meant.
I think I finally get it…
I love you Grampa “L” ❤️
When Love Is a Lie
He’ll berate, belittle, insult, and destroy you….
Deceive, devalue, idolize, and ignore you…
He’ll block you then stalk you,
‘til you do what he taught you
His prize for The Lie is a chance to discard you
He’ll seduce and betray, confuse and neglect you
Without a single regret, he intends to infect you
In the blink of an eye, he’ll all but erase you
His venomous words are meant to disgrace you
He buried your soul down a dark rabbit hole
And planned your demise from the moment he met you
So, what do you feel? Do you know why you cry?
Is it fear that consumes us when love is a lie?
Is it hard to let go if it’s all that we know?
If the bad that he is, is as good as it gets
We must look to our heart for it’s time to reflect
Make him fade into black from the fear of attack
I am you, you are me, & we’ll never be back
Bitter and broken, on the wind it was spoken
From a dream, we’ve awoken
From a dream, we’ve awoken
A Painful, false Illusion of Love indeed…
A painful illusion
All the things I can’t have.
All the dreams I can’t save.
All the troubles I can’t halve.
All the burdens under which I cave.
All the horizons I can never meet.
All the issues I can’t beat.
All the grudges I can’t unseat.
All the anger my mind continues to heat.
All my jewels that on me can’t shine.
All my happiness that can’t be my smile.
All my melodies that I can’t rhyme.
All my love I can’t call mine.
I can have everything, but why can’t
Everything be you ?
Why can’t I get what I feel is due ?
You had to walk out of my life,
Right on cue.
Just when I wanted to start a new
Just when I surrendered my soul to you
Turning your back you’ve left me now
But someday your ego will bow
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Beautiful sentiment, beautiful words 🌹❤️
Beside the deep well of pain we faltered
We only saw black space
A place of defeat and undoing
So it was hard to surrender
Fear enters our heart
For we know we may not survive
In the same form we had before
And yet this descent
Is the price of our transformation
The place where skin is stripped from flesh
And flesh is stripped from bone
Without skin and flesh
Our bones rattle in those deeper spaces
Of wounding and remembering
But there is at all times
A far deeper alchemy going on
For the very thing that strips us
Helps us form new skin and flesh
After wounds have turned to scars
We are wiser, leaner and older
With the weathering of our years
Our hearts, hopefully softer
From the experience
Our soul consents to the process
By which we are changed
And further along the path
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Face Everything And Recover.. this is survival! 💜
Life is there
Waiting patiently for you
Outside the gate
Can you trust it?
Can you open to it?
Do you know you have what it takes
To survive and thrive
So much hurting to work through
When he dropped you
You fell from a great height
Into depths that you thought you could never fathom
But you did
You almost drowned but learned slowly
To breathe under all of that water
So much loss you drowned out
So much loss you replayed due to not having yet
Fully felt the pain of the deepest and darkest of dark nights
But now your soul glimpses dawn
A new possibility on the horizon
Dare you reach out to take it
Or will you say no to life out of fear
False Evidence Appearing Real
Fuck Everything And Run
Don’t do it sweetie
Take a big deep breath
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