There’s  a Reason for every Season..

My grandfather, James J Laraia, my first idol, my first love, left me with his most favorite quote he said “love one, love many, but love yourself best of any”. 

This quote was my family’s motto. I saw it handwritten and taped, as a “little girl”, to every refrigerator our small, but beautiful family had. I didn’t understand it, to that “little girl” it sounded selfish.

My family would say their own interpretation of what it meant to them but When I was that” little girl” I remember my Grandpa L saying “you can’t fully love someone else, until you can fully love yourself.

My grandfather was larger than life to me… his words that he left that “little girl” with was a journey of understanding what they meant.  

I think I finally get it… 

I love you Grampa “L” ❤️


When Love Is a Lie


When Love Is a Lie

He’ll berate, belittle, insult, and destroy you….
Deceive, devalue, idolize, and ignore you…
He’ll block you then stalk you,
‘til you do what he taught you
His prize for The Lie is a chance to discard you

He’ll seduce and betray, confuse and neglect you
Without a single regret, he intends to infect you
In the blink of an eye, he’ll all but erase you
His venomous words are meant to disgrace you
He buried your soul down a dark rabbit hole
And planned your demise from the moment he met you

So, what do you feel? Do you know why you cry?
Is it fear that consumes us when love is a lie?
Is it hard to let go if it’s all that we know?
If the bad that he is, is as good as it gets
We must look to our heart for it’s time to reflect
Make him fade into black from the fear of attack
I am you, you are me, & we’ll never be back
Bitter and broken, on the wind it was spoken
From a dream, we’ve awoken
From a dream, we’ve awoken

By Zari Ballard –


Collaboration poem with sidharth jain

A Painful, false Illusion of Love indeed…

@ bittersweet diary

A painful illusion

You are;

All the things I can’t have.
All the dreams I can’t save.
All the troubles I can’t halve.
All the burdens under which I cave.

All the horizons I can never meet.
All the issues I can’t beat.
All the grudges I can’t unseat.
All the anger my mind continues to heat.

All my jewels that on me can’t shine.
All my happiness that can’t be my smile.
All my melodies that I can’t rhyme.
All my love I can’t call mine.

I can have everything, but why can’t
Everything be you ?
Why can’t I get what I feel is due ?
You had to walk out of my life,
Right on cue.
Just when I wanted to start a new
Just when I surrendered my soul to you

Turning your back you’ve left me now
But someday your ego will bow
Don’t expect…

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Beside the deep well

Beautiful sentiment, beautiful words 🌹❤️

Emerging From The Dark Night

Black hole

Beside the deep well of pain we faltered

We only saw black space

A place of defeat and undoing

So it was hard to surrender

Fear enters our heart

For we know we may not survive

In the same form we had before

And yet this descent

Is the price of our transformation

The place where skin is stripped from flesh

And flesh is stripped from bone

Without skin and flesh

Our bones rattle in those deeper spaces

Of wounding and remembering

But there is at all times

A far deeper alchemy going on

For the very thing that strips us

Helps us form new skin and flesh

After wounds have turned to scars

We are wiser, leaner and older

With the weathering of our years

Our hearts, hopefully softer

From the experience

Our soul consents to the process

By which we are changed

And further along the path


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The Process of Life and Death

Process Of Life and Death
the day comes when breath
heaves once and is gone
increase of uprising and
morosely easing into
and then the stark vision
of darkness and shape
aged in a century until
dust to know the earth again
to where it flies and splashes
harmoniously spins neatly
joins the awesome pulse grasps
knowledge ebbs slowly inward
unknown there save newer
land tilled and weeded again
damp magnificent space and
then again co-joined reality
strengthened mightily one
time in timeless beauty
breathing in and screaming
out until is pulses again
this is natures law without
restrictions this is life
kissing death in unison

Life is waiting for you

Face Everything And Recover.. this is survival! 💜

Emerging From The Dark Night


Life is there

Waiting patiently for you

Outside the gate

Can you trust it?

Can you open to it?

Do you know you have what it takes

To survive and thrive

So much hurting to work through

When he dropped you

You fell from a great height

Into depths that you thought you could never fathom

But you did

You almost drowned but learned slowly

To breathe under all of that water

So much loss you drowned out

So much loss you replayed due to not having yet

Fully felt the pain of the deepest and darkest of dark nights

But now your soul glimpses dawn

A new possibility on the horizon

Dare you reach out to take it

Or will you say no to life out of fear


False Evidence Appearing Real


Fuck Everything And Run

Don’t do it sweetie

Take a big deep breath

And step…

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