On This Day 1 Year Ago…. Justice was Served

June 28, 2016 was the day justice was finally served. It was also the day I started to reclaim my life as I once knew it, before falling for all the lies, abuse, destruction, and devastation that comes along with loving the narcissist. My favorite quote from on that day was “You have been before this court 5 times for domestic assault against the same household victim. We, The Commonwealth of Massachusetts, find you Guilty and you are being sentence to 18 Months in the Plymouth House of Correction”.

Since that day my life has moved at very quickly…. and so many wonderful things began to happen and today I can honestly say.. I have recreated my life and I am flying free!!

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This is such a good read. ❤️ Most of you should probably read this. 

Thank you To my dear friend for posting this!! This is so spot on!! Hate the disease, not the addict! ❤️ 

Dear Addict Haters:

Hello, you don’t know me but I am an addict. I am one of the “junkies” you love to bash whenever someone mentions addiction on social media or hear it in conversation. I know it’s hard to forgive the things we sometimes do because of our addiction, but I have a question for you. What is the worst thing you have ever done? Obviously, I won’t get an answer to this question but think about it. The thing that you hate that you did. You know, that one thing that not too many people even know about. Well, what if everyone knew about it? What if for the rest of your life you were labeled by that one act that you would erase in a second if you had the chance? That is what being an addict is like, kind of. Now, I don’t feel like being an addict is the worst thing a person can be or do. You, however, feel like it’s a terrible thing. Don’t get me wrong: If I could erase it from my life, I would. In an instant, it would be gone, but I don’t have that option. I can’t even do what you do and pretend that this thing I did didn’t happen. In order for me to ensure it never happens again, I have to work hard on making sure it doesn’t. If I don’t, my disease will tell me I can have a drink or do a line and not fall back into full-blown addiction, but I will.

Do you work hard to make sure your worst thing never happens again? Let me guess… you are thinking, Addiction is not a disease. It’s a choice. Right?

Yes, all addiction starts with a choice.

The same damn choice you made when you were young and hanging out with friends. You drank the same beer I drank. The same pot I smoked. You even tried the same line of white stuff someone put in front of you at a party. You were able to walk away and not take it to the extreme.

Since I have the disease, I will spend the rest of my life either struggling to stay high or fighting to stay clean.

As children, we don’t decide we would rather be an addict instead of a cop.

You don’t see children pretending that their dolls and stuffed animals are dope sick.

When is the last time you talked to a little girl who told you she couldn’t wait to grow up so she could turn tricks to feed the insatiable hunger of her drug addiction?

My sister didn’t tell me about her exciting plans to become homeless.

My dad, not one time, told my mother to think twice before marrying him because he had high hopes of becoming an angry drunk.

I damn sure didn’t blow out my candles as a child wishing for a substance abuse disorder because I couldn’t wait for the day my beautiful daughters were taken from me by CPS.

Nobody wants to have substance use disorder.

Some of us just do.

So always remember:

You made those same choices, too.

You just got lucky that it was me and not you.

If you still have doubts, you can take those up with the Center for Disease Control or the United States Surgeon General. They have classified addiction as a disease, but then again… I am sure you know more about it than they do, right?

I pray that you don’t have to reevaluate these opinions because you find out your child or parent is an addict. If you do, just know that we will accept you into our community. We will help your loved one. Do you know why we would do that? Because we are good people who just want the chance to live like everyone else.

So please, before you write another post bashing people who are suffering, think about it. Not only are you hurting the people who have the disease, you could be hurting everyone that loves them. You have people on your friends list or might overhear you at work who have children who are suffering right this moment from addiction. What did they do to deserve the awful things you put out into the universe that do nothing but perpetuate hate and judgment?

You have a right to your opinion. But no matter what, hurting people is wrong.

I am Grateful….

I am grateful, God, for all you have given me, and ALL you have taken away. Thank you for the soundness of mind, the will to live and the desire to continue growing along spiritual lines. Thank you for relieving me of the bondage of self and of others, for taking away the pain and the suffering. I am grateful God that my faith in you allows me to live without fear today. Thank you for the self confidence and sense of well being. And thank you dear God, for making it possible for me to feel this way right now. I am faith-filled, fearless and free!

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When Love Is a Lie

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When Love Is a Lie

He’ll berate, belittle, insult, and destroy you….
Deceive, devalue, idolize, and ignore you…
He’ll block you then stalk you,
‘til you do what he taught you
His prize for The Lie is a chance to discard you

He’ll seduce and betray, confuse and neglect you
Without a single regret, he intends to infect you
In the blink of an eye, he’ll all but erase you
His venomous words are meant to disgrace you
He buried your soul down a dark rabbit hole
And planned your demise from the moment he met you

So, what do you feel? Do you know why you cry?
Is it fear that consumes us when love is a lie?
Is it hard to let go if it’s all that we know?
If the bad that he is, is as good as it gets
We must look to our heart for it’s time to reflect
Make him fade into black from the fear of attack
I am you, you are me, & we’ll never be back
Bitter and broken, on the wind it was spoken
From a dream, we’ve awoken
From a dream, we’ve awoken

By Zari Ballard – http://www.thenarcissisticpersonality.com/narcissists-lie-another-poem/

 

Dating After the Narcissist Part 1

Oh boy… Everyday things are becoming ever so much clearer and in the mist of all the lessons that came (and are still coming) after being ‘in love’ with a narcissist then being devalued, abused in every sense of the word and discarded by the narc, the toughest lesson was not what I thought, which was the letting go of the illusion of his love, but the hardest is letting someone close enough to hurt me again by allowing someone into the center of my life and heart or worse yet, hurting them because my walls are so high. Let me just tell you I don’t need a man in my life to complete me, I want and desire a special someone to share life with. But maybe I’m still not ready?? But then again maybe I am??

I’ve been on the dating sites for 10 months now, not to find the love I lost but to find the me I lost. Plus, I moved 1300 miles and how else am I supposed to meet new people and make new friends? The bars? No! I guess I could do it the old fashioned way, just bump my cart into some tall, dark handsome stranger at the grocery store, but again that’s a bit scary to me too. I’ve used the dating sites as a means to comfort my pain, to help me to forget him and the darkness I emerged from battered and bruised. I like that I get to pick and choose who I crack the door open to before I slam it shut again. And now I’ve bruised a few hearts in the process too.

In the mist of my serial dating I have had a ton of fun and meet some ‘real winners’ and a few amazing guys, 3 of them,  who I now consider to be best friends of mine. I’ve let them into in my inner circle but keep them arms lengths to my heart. I look for signs and red flags and I TRUST no one!

The reason this is all coming up is because I have met a wonderful man with a kind heart, he’s loving, attentive, has the patience of a saint, a job, a home of his own and he is ooooo so handsome!!  I did everything to keep him away, you know arms length, from my protected, guarded heart. He understands where I came from, he too had a disastrous relationship with a narcissist, so he gets it and he gets me.

I’ve known him since September 2016 and we have had a blast exploring new horizons, places, beaches, concerts, Patriot football games, hockey games, festivals and so much more. I’m new to Florida and he’s fairly new here too, leave it to me to find a New England  guy here in paradise lol!  We share many of the same interests, genuinely, no mirroring, no love bombing, no games, and no lies. I love going to new places, so doesn’t he and I’m trying to get back to just plain enjoying life again.

He’s been patient and understanding, has not pressured me at all, lets me take all the time I need to heal. He knows I’m still dating but he does hope he’s the ONE standing after all is said and done. He mentioned over dinner last night that he wanted me to listen to Keith Urban and Carrie Underwood’s new song called ‘The Fighter’ and expressed that this was about us and said those 3 big words “I love you” as he closed the door… I listened to it 5 times after he left, I cried myself to sleep…

Why can’t I let him in??? If I can survive the worst heartache of my life, then if there is a next heartache, it would be a walk in the park…. Today I take a stand that my past will not define my future!

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THE FIGHTER LYRICS 

I know he hurt you
Made you scared of love, too scared to love
He didn’t deserve you
‘Cause you’re precious heart is a precious heart
He didn’t know what he had and I thank God, oh, oh, oh
And it’s gonna take just a little time
But you’re gonna see that I was born to love you

What if I fall (I won’t let you fall)
What if I cry (I’ll never make you cry)
And if I get scared (I’ll hold you tighter)
When they’re tryna get to you baby I’ll be the fighter
What if I fall (I won’t let you fall)
What if I cry I promise I’ll never make you cry
And if I get scared (I’ll hold you tighter)
When they’re tryna get to you baby I’ll be the fighter

Look in the mirror
You’re beautiful, so beautiful
I’m here to remind you
You’re my only one, let me be the one
To heal all the pain that he put you through
It’s a love like you never knew
Just let me show you

What if I fall (I won’t let you fall)
What if I cry (I’ll never make you cry)
And if I get scared (I’ll hold you tighter)
When they’re tryna get to you baby I’ll be the fighter
What if I fall (I won’t let you fall)
What if I cry I promise I’ll never make you cry
And if I get scared (I’ll hold you tighter)
When they’re tryna get to you baby I’ll be the fighter

I wanna believe that you got me baby
I swear I do from now until the next life
I wanna love, wanna give you all my heart

What if I fall (I won’t let you fall)
What if I cry (I’ll never make you cry)
And if I get scared (I’ll hold you tighter)
When they’re tryna get to you baby I’ll be the fighter
What if I fall (I won’t let you fall)
What if I cry I promise I’ll never make you cry
And if I get scared (I’ll hold you tighter)
When they’re tryna get to you baby I’ll be the fighter

What if I fall
What if I cry
And if I get scared (I’ll hold you tighter)
When they’re tryna get to you baby I’ll be the fighter

“The Fighter: via Youtube

Written by Keith Urban, Ryan Busbee, Michael James • Copyright © Universal Music Publishing Group, BMG Rights Management US, LLC